Minor Malorum Duorum

Apparently there's a service which, for the paltry sum of $40 annually, allows folks who do get taken up in the Rapture to send a final in-your-face to the folks who don't. Because, of course, when the rapture comes, we'll all be checking our email.

A group of elderly Australian priests and nuns have taken up fencing. The accompanying picture totally makes the article.

Apparently this guy not only refused to stop displaying a bible in class and lecturing on the true meaning of Good Friday and Easter, but also burned crosses into the arms of some of his students.

A Roman Catholic priest who floated off under hundreds of helium party balloons was missing Monday off the southern coast of Brazil.

"The health department has also warned that the six-inch nails used in crucifixions should be sterilised."

A Proposal for a Christian Pornography offers us a treatise on how to make the kind of porno that Jesus approves of. I particularly recommend Fisting and God's Will.

A state representative in Colorado receives the first censure in the state's history for, uh, kicking someone while praying.

"The heart of a revered 19th century Argentine friar and patriot was stolen from an urn in the Franciscan monastery where it was kept for years as a religious relic."

This guy cut off his own hand with a circular saw and microwaved it (to be sure), before calling 911. He did that because he saw the mark of the beast on it. Later, he found out his friends had antiqued him when he passed out at the party, and he laughed about it.

Apparently some priests got into a fight over cleaning at Bethlehem. Sticks and stones, kind of fighting.

OK, the lesson is, don't have sex with kids, even if you think God says it's OK, because they might go crazy and kill you.

A Vatican official who was videotaped putting the moves on another man claims he was just pretending to be gay, for the cause of helping rid the church of gay-ness. While it's hard for me to see how ones choice of sexual partner continues to be interesting on this scale, I never really get tired of laughing at hypocrites.

Can anyone tell me how claiming that gay sex is NOT a sin is going to advance the principle that gay sex IS a sin?

According to this article, a man bought a food smoker at an storage unit auction, and discovered a severed human leg inside. Apparently the former owner (of both the leg and the smoker) was saving it for religious reasons. I'd have thought god would love you LESS for leaving your only left leg in a storage unit, but what do I know about it?

I love this report so much that I would marry it if I wasn't already married to SE. From the ever burgeoning list of dangerous products coming out of China, the Toxic Jesus Fish jewelry for children is among the very finest.

By the way, I have already registered the name "Toxic Jesus Fish" for my band, so don't get any ideas, S&F. Come see us at the Orpheum next Friday and show up early enough to see the opening act "Dangerously Crappy Hammocks."

... but as a sacrifice to appease the Hindu gods, so that a repair to the electrical system of an airplane will be successful, certainly ranks up there. I'd really rather they just hire qualified technicians.