Minor Malorum Duorum

I was going to put this as a poll, but (this may be surprising to some of you) I don't actually want to violate any boundaries with this. So I'm going to just do a blog entry, and say up front that, if you personally have a policy about this, I want to know what your rationale is.

I read the article about the woman who is suing McD's for discrimination, because they didn't want to put the food in her feet. I actually have some empathy for the employees in this situation, I used to regularly serve a coffee shop customer with this condition, and it is very unnerving, the first time you realize someone intends to pick up a latte with their armpit. That woman was studying to be a doctor (not a surgeon, I think?) so I'm sure she was more than used to getting weird questions and funny treatment from people. But, I digress.

In the article, I noticed that the woman has four children. The article mentions that in the first case cited in her suit, her son took the bag of food, because he has one full size arm. In the second case, there was a friend with them, who got out of the vehicle to collect the food. It got me wondering, how many of her 4 kids have 2 full size arms--I'm thinking, none. Obviously, not having full size arms isn't the end of the world, when it comes to the available options in congenital defects, but it's gotta be pretty challenging. And I recalled so many articles I've read about people who are deaf, and have 3 or more deaf children. People who have 4 kids with Down Syndrome. And so on.

I always wonder what is the psychology there. I mean, parents don't generally do things to deliberately give their kids a disadvantage in life, parents typically (even if they go about it in crazy-ass wrongheaded ways) try to give their kids a leg up on the pile. So, my guess is, it's not directly about the kids. It's about the parents, and their solution to their own isolation, or what they think is coming for the kid (whether it's true or not). Yeah, obviously, I've read a lot of, "They're my kids, and I'm going to love them no matter what's growing out of their spines!" ... and I believe that. Really. I know some parents fail at this, but truly, parents are mostly unconditional about that. But we're not talking about love here.

Let's say you have a kid with a seriously challenging condition, something that is going to make their life hard. And then... you have another child, playing the same genetic powerball. Are you hoping for a "normal" kid? Are you hoping to make a playmate for your first kid, who is likely going to have trouble making friends? Are you thinking that the next X years of your private life will be spent mostly alone with this child who is in some way not going to be like everyone else, so maybe if there were more people in your immediate circle, it'll be more comfortable, more acceptance for you and the child? (I wonder that especially about people who have 4 kids with Down Syndrome.) Is it like the people who have endless boys or girls, hoping for the other?

I guess I just don't get the strength of feeling people have about the whole my-own-genes vs. adoption (vs just not having kids) things... because if I was pretty sure I was going to pass on some genetic trait like that, I wouldn't even consider having kids. (Bearing in mind that I don't have any such information, and I still don't put any priority on having kids.) It's hard enough to do right by parenting as it is, without having a conversation like, "If you knew I wasn't going to have any damn arms, why didn't you make Dad wear a goddamn condom?!"

For the record, I'm fully prepared to be told off about this. I know parenting is a really personal issue, and it's not my habit to criticize parents (other than mine, and even they get a fair amount of slack.) It's just that I don't relate, I don't get it. Someone, please, tell me what the hell is with that.